Ten Super Fun Things To Do On The Train

10 SUPER FUN THINGS TO DO ON A TRAIN JOURNEY

1) Your fellow passengers are also bored. Strike up a conversation! Introduce yourself to them as "Bathesheba, Queen of Thebes".
2) Many new trains have windows that cannot be opened. Express your distress at this by smashing as many as possible.
3) Few people are aware that the button marked "Emergency Stop" actually does nothing. Feel free to push it as many times as you want.
4) Some other, better prepared passengers may have planned for the long train journey by bringing a book or a newspaper. Offer to read it aloud to them.
5) Many famous political figures, such as Lenin, Washington, and Julius Ceasar, first had their ideas on long train journeys. Why not follow in their footsteps and recruit your fellow passsengers as footsoldiers to craft a New World Order?
6) It's a well known fact that 60% of all train trips involve a robbery of some sort. Prepare yourself to defend the train against attackers by fashioning improvised weapons from the seat cushions.
7) Conductors are authorized to offer refunds to travellers who have boarded the wrong train. See whether your conductor buys the fact that, even though you are decked out in your favourite team's colours, you weren't intending to go to the stadium.
8) The driver isn't happy to be cramped up in his or her little room all day. Force your way in and offer to drive the train while he or she takes a break.
9) The seats on the train are not only designed to be comfortable, but the cushions can also be removed with enough force. Feel free to tear them out and throw them at the conductor if he or she asks for your ticket.
10) Thanks to the government's new anti-terrorism laws, ordinary Australians can help fight global terrorism by turning in suspicious people. If there is anyone on your train who looks vaguely Middle-Eastern, get out your mobile and report them to the Terror Hotline.